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Odd Jobs: Plumbing Issues — Chapter 1
By Will Jackson
When I was in my mid twenties I lived in an apartment building with eighty units on six floors. At the time I was working an IT job that enabled me to set my own schedule, and as a way to reduce my rent and do something entirely different from staring at code on a screen I arranged with the management company to serve as an on-call handyman. I handled minor repairs, simple plumbing and electrical, sticky locks, smoke detectors beeping in the middle of the night, that kind of stuff.
I had always enjoyed hands-on fiddling with gadgets and fixing things as a counterpoint to my intellectual interests, I knew my own limits, and I liked the opportunity to get out of my cyber-shell and meet and help out some of the other people in the building.
Once in a while I’d get some shit from people who were stressed out or scared by some minor malfunction, and I’d have to explain that I was just a fellow tenant, calm them down, and either save the day or call in the cavalry for major repairs that were beyond me.
But most of the time people were really grateful, and I got to know some of my neighbors in a context that pretty much enabled me to set the parameters, a style of social interaction I preferred.
One Saturday evening about six o’clock I was watching a boring basketball game when my phone buzzed with a text: “PLEASE HELP!!! MY KITCHEN SINK IS CLOGGED AND I’M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF COOKING DINNER!!! MS. HANSEN, 604.”
I actually welcomed the diversion, and texted her back: “no prob b there in 5.”
Immediately she texted back: “THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!!”
I laughed, felt the warm glow of my Boy Scout training kicking in, grabbed my tool bag, and headed out the door.
I jogged up three flights of stairs to the top floor, where the better, more expensive apartments were, turned left, went down to end of the hall, and knocked on Ms. Hansen’s door.
“Oh my god thank you so much!” hit me in the face before the door was even half open.
“Hi. I’m Jack, Jack Wilson,” I smiled.
“Valerie, Valerie Hansen,” the lady breathlessly said in reply, turned before I even got a chance to really look at her, and led me toward the kitchen.
The kitchen was a little bit of a mess, but in a good way, and the food cooking on the stove smelled great! I looked at the sink, made a quick assessment that the disposal was clogged, and got to work.
I got down under the sink and unplugged the power to the disposal, put on gloves, reached in and grabbed a big handful of stuff. I pulled it out, looked at it, and turned around to face Ms. Hansen.
“Artichokes.”
Ms. Hansen said, “Yes?”
I looked at her, “You put artichoke leaves down the disposal.”
“Oh, is that bad?”
I shook my head, mildly scowled at her, and said, “Yes, that is very bad. Please, please don’t put fibrous plant material — really anything tougher than jello — down the disposal. If I had my way we wouldn’t even have the damn things in these apartments. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve done this.”
Ms. Hansen blushed a little, and said, “Gee, Jack, I’m so sorry to drag you out for a stupid thing like this, and on a Saturday night no less!”
I laughed, and said, “Really, don’t worry about it. I wasn’t doing anything special, Ms. Hansen, and I’m more than happy to help.”
At that she smiled a big smile, and said, “Valerie.”
I smiled back at her, and said, “All right, Valerie. No worries. Jack the Handyman is available most any time you need him.”
I finished cleaning out the disposal, plugged it back in, tested it to make sure it was clear, rinsed off my hands, and started putting my stuff away, while Valerie just stood there, watching me.
As I was about to leave Valerie said, “Hey, Jack, you said you weren’t busy tonight, right?”
“Yeah, I was just watching a dumb game, nothing special.”
“Well, if you’d like to, I’d really like it if you would help me eat some of the pasta prima vera I clogged up my sink making — it’s the least I can do!”
I was very tempted by the offer — the sauce simmering on the stove smelled fantastic! — but I didn’t want to impose.
“Gee, Ms. Hansen, uh, Valerie, it’s awfully nice of you to offer, but I don’t want to intrude on your evening.”
Now she looked me straight in the eye, smiled a big smile, and said, “Really, Jack, far from ‘intruding,’ you would be doing me a favor! I love to cook, made enough for four meals, and I’ve got no one to share it with. Please join me for dinner.”
Well, truth be told, I was hungry — nothing unusual about that at that phase of my life — the smells in that kitchen had me almost drooling, and the way Valerie practically begged me to join her, with a great smile and shining eyes, made it an offer I simply could not refuse.
“Okay, Valerie, I gotta tell you that sauce smells fantastic, you will be saving me from a frozen pizza, and if you are absolutely sure it won’t be an imposition, almanbahis you won’t have to twist my arm any further.”
Valerie laughed at that, and said, “All right, then! Why don’t you come back in about forty-five minutes, and bring your appetite!”
“Sound great!,” I replied, grabbed my gear, smiled again at Valerie, and headed back to my apartment.
When I got to my place I took a quick shower, shaved, put on some nice casual clothes, and basically transformed myself from weekend goblin mode handyman Jack to respectful cleaned-up going to dinner at a nice older neighbor lady’s place Jack. While doing this on autopilot, I couldn’t prevent myself from contemplating said nice older neighbor lady.
Of course I knew that this was just a nice lady repaying a good scout’s good deed, not a “date,” but being a hopelessly habitually horny hetero twenty-six year old male, I inevitably started thinking about Valerie.
When I walked in her door she was dressed in a kind of nondescript, shapeless house dress and apron, but even so I could tell she was “pleasingly plump,” with very nice curves.
Now I don’t discriminate, mind you, and girls and women of all shapes and sizes are just fine with me, but given my druthers I definitely prefer “full-figured” women, and I’ll take a happy, enthusiastic lady with some meat on her bones over a scowling skinny super model any day of the week.
And Valerie looked great for a woman her age, or, for that matter, any age. She had shiny black hair cut stylishly short framing a pretty face, with dark brown eyes that danced and shined when she laughed and smiled…
I woke up from this idiotic reverie and scolded myself for letting my thoughts run in this ludicrous direction.
“C’mon, man. Don’t be a fucking idiot! The woman’s old enough to be your mother, and she’s just feeding you a meal as payback for unstopping a drain, for fuck’s sake!”
But it had “been a while” — actually a much too long while — and despite my best intentions, barely under the surface rationality was doing a shit job of keeping libido locked up in his cage.
Once I was ready and the time was up, I went upstairs and knocked on Valerie’s door. I almost didn’t recognize the woman that opened it.
“Hi, Jack! Wow! You clean up really well!,” she laughed.
I just stared at her, and I think my mouth was hanging half open.
There was a — for me — very awkward silence as I just stood there, staring. Valerie didn’t stop smiling, she simply quietly stood there while I tried to regain my composure.
“Uh, gee, Valerie! Uh, thank you for having me!,” I eventually sort of dumbly mumbled, but I continued to gape at Valerie’s body.
Valerie was dressed in a very fine black dress that showed off her figure, and what a figure! She was truly stacked, and the dress discretely revealed the upper reaches of the obviously deep, deep canyon of her decolletage. She had a nicely tapered waist and very full hips, and what looked to be a prodigiously large rear end. The hem of her dress sat about four inches above her knees; her shapely white legs were encased in tight black fishnet stockings, culminating in neat shiny black patent-leather low heels with small silver buckles.
When I snapped out of it and realized I had been staring at her body for much, much too long, in a way that in most social situations would have gotten me — quite justifiably — slapped, I forcibly dragged my eyes up to Valerie’s face.
I was half-surprised to see she was still just standing there, gently smiling at me after the prolonged, gross ogling I had given her, and that far from frowning at me for being such a complete ass, her eyes were shining.
When I looked at her face I saw that while I was gone she had done herself up, and now she had really nice, stylish but not over-the-top make-up on, small silver hoop earrings, a nice silver chain necklace, and I got a whiff of some subtle but enticing perfume. She had most definitely transformed herself from an older neighbor lady with a clogged sink into a super classy, very attractive woman who couldn’t help but trigger total confusion in my head, and a little tingly feeling in my crotch.
I still stood there at the door, and very stupidly almost stuttered, again, “Uh, Valerie, thanks for having me!”
Now Valerie really laughed at me, and said, “Well, Jack, are you just going to stand there, or are you coming inside?!”
I blushed, and I shuffled inside the door.
“Have a seat on the couch; what can I get you to drink?,” she asked.
“Um, sparkling water, if you’ve got it.”
“You wouldn’t like a beer, some wine, or a cocktail?”
“No, actually I don’t drink alcohol.”
“That’s interesting, something we have in common!,” she said. “I keep it around for guests, but I haven’t drunk alcohol in many years, and when I stopped I surprised myself to find that I really didn’t miss it a bit.”
“Same here, Valerie, I certainly had more than my fair share in high school and college, almanbahis giriş but I realized I was using it to overcome my shyness, I didn’t like that, and I gave it up.”
Valerie smiled at me again, and turned away to go into he kitchen.
When she brought the sparkling waters she sat down next to me on the couch, turned toward me and smiled, and said, “I’m really glad you could join me for dinner, Jack. I haven’t lived here very long, I travel a lot for work, and I don’t have a lot of friends yet in this town. I’ve met some nice women at my office, but it’s really a pleasure to have an easy-going man to talk with.”
There was something about the simple, direct honesty with which Valerie said this that made me relax a little.
“Well, Valerie,” I said, “I’m really glad for the invitation! To be honest, I’m pretty much an introvert, spend most of my time staring at a computer screen fixing messed-up code, and if that pasta tastes half as good as it smells, it will easily be the best meal I’ve had in weeks!”
“Hmm,” she said, looking at me with a somewhat odd, quizzical expression on her face. “I would have thought that a good-looking young guy like you would have a girl cooking meals for him, or rather, given this is the twenty-first century, that you would be cooking meals for her.”
I was half-startled by the possible implication of this statement, but I immediately wrote it off as over-active imagination on my part, projecting something onto innocent — maybe just a little bit flirtatious — ordinary conversation on her part.
“No, I am afraid not,” I said. “My last real girlfriend and I went our separate ways almost a year and a half ago. For what it is worth, she had to move to Europe for her career, and by that point we both knew that it was time for us to part as friends, anyway. So, sad to say, no girls cooking me dinner,” I half-laughed.
Now Valerie stopped talking, and looked at me hard.
I looked back at her, and I could sense gears turning in her head, but I really had no clue what was going on, and I was a little freaked by the sudden intensity and seriousness of her expression.
“Okay, Jack. I was going to wait until after dinner, but I’m feeling a bit impatient. I hope this won’t offend you, and regardless of your answer I really want you to stay for dinner, but if you would care for an appetizer, would you like to fuck before dinner? I can turn off the stove, and everything will keep for as long as we like, no problem.”
If I had stared at her like a horndog fool when she first opened the door, now I just gawked at her like a perfectly bewildered idiot.
After about ten seconds — during which I stared at her with my mouth again hanging open, and she relaxed back into a slightly bemused smile — Valerie very kindly broke the insanity of our silence.
“To be perfectly honest, Jack, I did a bit of background research on you before I jammed up my sink with artichoke leaves, and to be doubly honest, I know better than to put stuff like that down the disposal. So, to lay all my cards face up on the table, I saw you around the building, I liked what I saw, I read your online public profile info, I saw the very sweet photos of you and Suzy in Italy, I made initial contact with Suzy online, and she and I zoomed a bit. After she — quite rightly — had done due diligence and determined that I am a stable, successful professional woman, and not a head case, she was more than happy to tell me all about you. That girl loves you, Jack, and she wants you to be happy. Anyway, I know you are a nice guy that treats women right, and I think you and I can probably get along well. As you have no doubt observed, I’m twice your age, but from my point of view, at least, that is actually a big advantage. I’m not looking for some heavy ‘relationship’ with you, much less any kind of long-term commitment, but I think we could become friends. I love easy-going sex with the right sort of man, and Suzy told me in some detail that you really like sex, too. Now if the age difference or anything else about me makes this uninteresting for you, honestly, I won’t lie and say I will not be a bit disappointed, but, truly, I will not be offended in the least, and there will be no hard feelings at all from my side. After all, to state the obvious, I’m the one hitting on you, and I’m coming at you completely out of the blue. So if for any reason you simply aren’t into this idea, or you just want to think about it for a while, and I haven’t freaked you out too much, that is totally fine; no problem — let’s go eat! But, if you are interested, we could see now if we want to give this a try, and go from there.”
I continued to stare at Valerie.
After another ten seconds or so I finally realized my mouth was still hanging open, so I shut it. My only conscious thought was ‘HOLY SHIT!!!’
But Valerie just calmly smiled at me, patiently giving me all the time in the world to process.
I was initially conflicted. Yes, more than once I almanbahis yeni giriş had hooked up with a girl for what was tacitly agreed upon in advance to be nothing more than a one-night stand, but we are talking about girls who are in the same small ballpark in terms of age — this woman was twice my age!
Also, I was fairly accustomed to the stupid American convention that the guy is supposed to pursue the girl, and here the roles were totally reversed!
On the other hand, as I said, I was twenty-six, I hadn’t gotten laid for three months, for weeks I had had a very strong feeling that it was long past time to get out of my apartment and give my right hand a break, and — last but not least — looking at Valerie’s easy, calm, friendly smile was giving me a fucking raging boner: She — unlike me — looked completely relaxed, but she also looked incredibly SMOKIN’ HOT!!!
Now I can honestly say that I don’t have mommy issues, but I would wager that ninety-nine point nine percent of non-fucked-up hetero guys, myself included — once they leave their dumb-ass early teen years behind — look at shapely older women with more than purely chivalrous interest. At least that certainly was the case with me, and I’d be a bald-faced liar if I told you I’d never clicked on the “Mature” and “MILF” categories on Pornhub. And I would also be a bald-faced liar if I told you I didn’t want to yell from the rooftop that this woman sitting next to me on the couch looked way, way hotter to me than ninety-nine point percent of the mature MILFs on Pornhub.
Finally, after what seemed like minutes but was in fact probably only about thirty seconds, I decided to take the plunge:
My eyes must have been as big as saucers, and I’m pretty sure my face had gone white as a sheet, but I looked at Valerie, I gulped, I nodded, and I said, “Okay.”
Now Valerie really grinned at me. She grabbed my left thigh — in the process brushing the tips of her fingernails on the side of my rapidly hardening cock.
“That’s just great, Jack! Again, if anything at any time makes you uncomfortable, honey, you gotta promise you will tell me, and the same goes for me, too, okay? First and only rule from my side: I want us to be totally open, honest, and easy with each other. I’m really horny for you, but I’m not some desperate, needy, pathetic ‘older woman’ that will freak out on you if you find this doesn’t seem right for you.”
I was totally blown away by the direct, simple clarity with which Valerie said this — I had never met a woman that seemed to be so at ease with herself, and had the self-confidence to expose herself in this way to a new acquaintance.
In a heartbeat I said to her, “Okay, Valerie, I like that — you got it! Same for me!”
My head was finally beginning to clear, and I was beginning to get my bearings.
First I thought to myself, ‘Geez, Jack; this is your lucky day!’
Then, once I had fully realized what an incredible gift I had been given, I felt that it was only appropriate that I break the ice, so I leaned down and gave the gorgeous woman sitting next to me a soft kiss. When I did that Valerie put her fingertips lightly on my cheek, smiled up at me, and quietly said, “Oh, Jack! That’s so nice!”
We started real slow, just soft, quiet kisses at first. She put her arms up around my neck, I wrapped mine down around her waist, and in no time at all we were softly making out.
It was really odd; after a few moments of softly kissing with Valerie, the initial weirdness of making out with a woman twice my age mostly dissipated, and nature took its course.
After a couple of minutes of softly kissing each other, the age difference completely disappeared, and it was just two people sitting on a couch, both grooving on the soft, sweet sensuality of learning their way around a new lover.
Eventually, Valerie broke off, and whispered in my ear, “Mmmm, this is just great, baby! I’ve got the feeling you and I are going to get along fine! Now, about that appetizer; how about just a quickie before dinner, and then if you’re free to spend the night we can take our time getting better acquainted after dinner?”
Needless to say, I was getting totally turned on, so I said, “If I’m good, can I have a double portion of dessert?”
Now she laughed, and said, “Yes, I think I can do that, but you’ve got to be very good, and clean your plate!”
Now it was my turn to laugh, but a second later I grabbed her tight and lightly bit her neck, drawing a sharp intake of breath, an appreciative low, throaty moan, and then a laugh.
“Oh, you naughty, naughty boy! Stop that now, and follow me!”
She got up, took my hand, and I followed her into her bedroom, trying to walk straight despite the boner that was pushing out the front of my pants. When we got to her bed, Valerie turned, looked up at me, and with a radiant smile said, “Now, Jack, if you don’t mind, I’d like to call the shots for the time being. Once we get better acquainted, I’d like it very much if you take over some times and get creative, but for the moment, is it okay if I just tell you what to do?”
I thought to myself, ‘Hell yes, woman!,’ and then I said to Valerie, “HELL yes, woman! You’ve got me so amped up I’ll stand on my head for you if you ask for it!”