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From the beginning, our life was on the fast track with me in college, raising a child, and Chuck dedicated to growing our business. Our lives moved ahead full speed with hardly a minute to spare. For me it was diapers, studying, baby sitters, and maintaining a home. For Chuck, it was long hours of drafting, dealing with contractors and establishing a clientele. The demands on our time increased but we managed to squeeze in personal time together, although it became more and more difficult. I wish I knew then what I know now about the affairs of the heart. It would have saved a lot of pain. Love is the most precious thing in life. Without it, the human soul flounders. Yet we abuse it and treat it like it is invulnerable. In reality, love is like a garden: it needs to be cultivated, it needs attention. If not, the weeds of doubt, lust and temptation grow and choke the beautiful bloom. …………. Our early life together was punctuated by as many victories as challenges. In the fifth year of our marriage, I received my undergraduate degree and teacher’s credential. My long arduous hours of studying were now replaced with longer hours of teaching, lesson plans, PTA, and soccer teams. At least I was bringing in a pay check and relieving some of the financial burden Chuck had been carrying. It was about that time Chuck’s architectural business took off. He hired his first employee, Keith. In a short time we were talking about purchasing a home. I was as delighted as a schoolgirl with her first bike. Then Chuck came to me with a bombshell. He wanted to use my folks wedding gift for us to purchase a plot of land on the beach. I was livid. With that money we could buy a four bedroom house instead a plot of sand. But I know better than anyone how convincing Chuck can be. We bought the lot and he started designing our future custom home. It was fun to be part of the design and giving my input. Eventually, to accommodate all of what we both wanted, the design grew into a stunning three story, four thousand square foot beauty. We celebrated the approval of the plans and permits about the time our son Brian entered the second grade. It was about then that I felt the first challenge to Chuck’s exclusive love for me. Oh, it wasn’t another woman. I could have dealt with a woman. It was something I had no answer to. Chuck renewed his childhood affair with… surfing. He was up at dawn and, most of the time, I didn’t hear him leave. He said the waves were best early. Something about the wind being calmest at sun break. Brian idolizes Chuck and pretty soon I lost my son to this new mistress also. We’d go to bed late, and I’d wake up alone. Our intimacy was being pulled at from all sides. I knew how important the physical relationship was to our marriage, but I felt powerless. ……………. It was then I felt the first cracks in the armor of our love. The attention I lacked at home, I welcomed Ümraniye Escort from strangers. I dressed a little more provocatively and found myself liking the attention other men gave me more and more. I don’t think Chuck even noticed. Construction was moving slow because we decided to pay cash for all building materials. Finally, the foundation of our house was poured. I was so excited to see the wall going up, that I could almost jump out of my skin. Chuck’s surfing buddies volunteered to help with the construction which was a blessing. It saved us tens of thousands of dollars and all I had to do was make sure the cooler was filled with beer. I wasn’t really objecting to having a bunch of hard-bodied surfers hanging around flirting with me. The eye candy was definitely one of the perks. Plus it doesn’t hurt a girl’s ego to be hit on by a bevy of hunks. It certainly was a boost to my libido, of which Chuck was the sole beneficiary. That was the first introduction to me of how outside influences can stimulate our sex life. That is, whenever we found the time, which seemed less and less. ……………. Our home was nearing completion. The exterior stucco, siding, glass and interior drywall was completed. I finally could be useful by painting much of the interior. All we needed to finish was the flooring, window dressings and cabinets. Then Chuck presented me with a life changing proposal. I remember, he came to me with a folder in hand. “Sit down Hun, we need to talk.” He motioned to the dining table. “What’s up?” I asked, sitting down with a raised quizzical eyebrow. “We are at the point of cabinets. My three proposals vary from ninety thousand to a hundred and ten thousand, for the whole house.” “Damn! I had no idea. That is expensive. How can we afford that and still pay cash for everything?” I was flabbergasted. “Bottom line is we can’t, without obtaining a mortgage. However, I have another idea.” He pushed the folder at me. I opened it and it was filled with pictures of various machinery. “What’s this?” “You know I worked in my dad’s cabinet shop when I was young? There is a guy here in town with a cabinet shop going out of business. For twenty five thousand I can buy his whole shop and build my own cabinets. He’s got all the equipment and it even has an inventory of hardwood and hardware.” “But you already have a business.” “I’m not going into the cabinet business. I just want the shop. We have fifty thousand left in the budget. That gives enough us enough for the shop and materials. What do you think?” “Hmmm. What do I think? I think I hardly see you the way it is now. What about us? You’re already burning the candle at both ends. When’s the last time we made love?” I said, with pleading eyes. “Don’t be silly, we’ll be fine. Once this house is completed we will have an abundance of time together. We can take a cruise or extended vacation Ümraniye Escort Bayan and let your Mom watch Brian.” “You promise?” “Yes, I promise. No worries.” …………. Without us realizing, our red hot romance had cooled a day at a time. It just kind of slipped under the radar. Not seeing the obvious, I thought it was me. Was I not pretty enough? I had put on a couple of pounds. Maybe I needed to increase my workouts? Or, maybe get my hair cut or something. I was constantly surrounded by people but I never felt so lonely in my life. My very soul was crying out in pain. I worked out like a woman possessed just to get my husband’s attention. He barely noticed but every other man I came into contact with seemed to. I was being hit on daily. My ego was full but it didn’t fill the emptiness inside. I remember I had my long hair cut. I had grown it my whole life but I had it cut to just below the shoulders. Chuck didn’t even notice. I went into the bedroom and cried. ……….. Finally it was move in day. The house was completed. Since we paid for it as we went, there was mortgage to burn. Our son was now in sixth grade. The cabinet shop actually became a business and performed better than the architectural one. Chuck loves working with his hands. His design skills started to attract more high end customers. Soon he needed to shut down one business. We decided together to expand the cabinet business. We leased a twenty thousand square foot industrial building, along with modern new equipment. It grew from a shop to a factory. At the same time, our love life was on life support. That promised vacation never happened. Money and success rolled in, but I would have traded it all for our two bedroom flat and the struggles we had in the beginning. We had something so special then. Something money couldn’t buy. ……………. The next few years I call the lost years. They were so routine that they put me to sleep thinking about them. I did get my masters in education and threw myself into teaching with the same dedication Chuck had for wood working. Brian was about to graduate from high school with honors and would be going away to college. Then, suddenly we were two strangers sharing a bedroom. We didn’t realize until Brian was out of the house, just how much we had drifted apart. ………….. Businesses are living entities that grow and need to be fed. More equipment, more space, more employees, more, more, more. Chuck now employed over a hundred workers and office staff. He spent more time at work and went on business trips, constantly seeking new clients and marketing his products. I wouldn’t see him for a week at a time. Then, what I call the announcement day, came. First, my son phoned and said he was going to marry his girlfriend, because he loved her and… she was pregnant. That threw me. I didn’t expect that he was even close to marriage and I Escort Ümraniye wasn’t thinking of becoming a grandmother. I was still in my thirties. Then came the devastating announcement that would turn my life upside down. Chuck came home about eight o’clock and said we needed to talk. I thought he was going to talk about our son. But it was something more life-changing. “Sit down Carol, we need to talk,” he said, leading me to the couch. “I agree,” I replied, sitting. Thinking this was about Brian, I added, “You go first.” He took my hands and looked in my eyes. He was welling up with tears and was struggling for words to say. “Let me say this all before you reply. Okay?” “Okay,” I was spellbound. “You know all those trips I was going on in marketing and sales? Well, I wasn’t going alone.” I raised an eyebrow. He continued, “I took my secretary Rhonda. We had an affair for two months but I broke it off. I’m so sorry, I don’t know how it all started, but it is over and I promise that it will never happen again. Please forgive me. I love you and I was wrong. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” My heart popped out of my chest and fell to the floor. My brain went numb. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t cry, or shout, or do anything. I was a zombie. “Carol… say something. Anything. Please.” My disappointment was so great I had no room for anger. I looked at him. With my face drained of all emotion, I said, “Your Son is getting married. We are going to be grandparents. I’m going to take a shower and go to bed.” …………….. After that we fought constantly. Eventually, I moved into the guest bedroom to punish him. We were not at a good point. I was wounded but Chuck was repentant. It was about that time Chuck found Jesus. That helped him, but it didn’t do shit for me. Chuck kept trying to make amends but I wanted to hurt him as he had hurt me. He was the love of my life and had betrayed me. What was I supposed to do? Act like nothing happened? Brian’s wedding was wonderful for a rushed affair. Becky hadn’t started to show yet. She was able to wear my old wedding dress with a few alterations. Our wedding gift mirrored my parents to us. Except, instead of a trip to Paris we gifted them one to Italy. It brought back a flood of memories. Even though my life was shambles, I wanted my son to be happy. I started going out with my girlfriends, Kathy, Charlene and Meg. They were all divorced. We began by going out for dinner. I’d cry on their shoulders and they would give me some empathy. Nothing more pathetic than a bunch of divorcees sitting around whining. Then, Kathy started planting seeds in my mind by telling me how beautiful I was and how any man would die to have me. She suggested we should go to bars and dance. I love to dance. I mean, what harm can the that be? Right? We did this a few times and I really enjoyed the attention. Remember, I had not been with any man in my life but Chuck. You might say I was finding my sea legs. I started to feel beautiful and desirable. I purchased some new dresses that revealed more cleavage and clung in just the right way, displaying my hour-glass figure. I was devious. I would change at Kathy’s place and do my make-up there.